Off the cuff


Our terminology in Toastmasters is “Table Topics”.  You may call extemporaneous speaking, off the cuff responses, thinking on your feet, or just plan talking.  In my time with Toastmasters I have come to believe that it is the most critical skill that we can give our new members because we all use it and we use it every day.  It is also a skill that I would consider myself an expert at in the context of Toastmasters and would like to share some of my “how to do its”.

Now first, let me separate how I deliver a table topics into a couple of categories…

Fun

Pointed

Contest

Fun

I love to laugh.  It is a lot of work to support a frown and a down attitude.  Many times when we are offered a question that is a little silly, is so far out of your realm of understanding, or is something that requires a comical answer.

“Tell me about a time you were embarrassed.”

“What is the best way to frost a cake?”

“What is the funniest movie you have seen and why?”

The key with a fun response is no different from any other response, you have to think.  The key to delivering an effective response in any situation is to think.  People are scared to death of “the quiet game”.  That is that mythical time between when the question is asked and when you craft your answer.  Awkward silence is very uncomfortable and five seconds feels like five hours to most of us.  It is though, the key to gathering your thoughts and preparing a response.  When you have a “fun” question or you want to craft a “fun” response, your time in the quiet game is not to be spent on structure, organization, transitions, or rousing summary statements.  In your moments of preparation you are simply searching for the ONE story that you can relay that is easy to tell, has characters, and has a definite and natural ending.  The hardest part of this process is taking enough time to find that story and not allowing the uncomfortable silence to cripple you.

Pointed

These are fun moments and ones that are more like interview questions.  These are topics that you have an opportunity to share a belief, point of view, or message that means something to you and your being or soul.

“Who was the biggest influence on your life?”

“Define a role model.”

“How would you advise the President?”

In an interview the potential employer may ask you about how you handled certain situations or why you are right for this job.  In the same way that you play the quiet game for fun topics and questions, that is that same place you need to start for pointed topics and questions.  In that time you are sitting and thinking you are now searching for an emotion and not just a story.  These responses have to be delivered from the heart and are not simply a matter of retelling a situation.  Adding to the quiet game you must now add emotion.  Even in an interview situation, there is an emotion you need to convey in order to show an employer what is truly inside you.  So now we add find the emotion to think to give a pointed response to a question.

Contest

I’m a competitor.  I had a great run last year in the speaking contest but along the way I also finished second in the state in Table Topics.  I’ve actually won our club contest every time I have entered not to mention the several times I have won the best table topic of the day.  It is something I’m pretty good at.  Contest speaking is fun but it is different from a regular table topic.

“What is toastmasters?”

“What does the Superbowl have to say about our culture?”

“Which is more important listening or being heard?”

Theses are all questions that I have had in contests.  Now the process to answer these is still built off the same foundation.

  • Think
  • Emotion

Now we have to add in the last piece…

**********Find a ledge**********

This is my term for looking for the place to put your foot to build your speech.  In that 5-10 seconds where I am preparing for my response I am replaying the question in my head and looking for my ledge, that anchor I will tie my two minutes to.  From that ledge, I then try to find 2 stories that can be told and that I have some emotions for.  I know that seems like a lot to do, but that is where my mind is going.  I’m also trying to find an amazing opening sentence and I’m thinking about how I may be able to tie it all together.  You can do a lot in 7.7 seconds.

So the next time you are asked a question and you have to respond off the hip.  Are you just going to start spewing data and opinions?  Are you going to give a canned answer that is safe and uncreative?  Or are you going stop, think, find a story, deliver some emotion, and find a ledge?  If you do nothing more than stop and think, you are well on your way to not only winning the quiet game and table topics, but to improving your skills in speaking!

Ciao

SK

2010
02/05
CATEGORY
Contest journal
General
Speaking
Speechwriting
Table Topics
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I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack


Oh the places we’ll go!

The things we’ll see!

It has been quite a ride for the last few months and its not for public consumption, but blogging just hasn’t been high on my list of priorities.  So here has what I’ve learned and where we are going to go in 2010 and beyond…

Speaking

It is contest season again.  Please take the time to dig back through some of my older posts from last year and my process through the WCPS.  I am not participating in the quest for the toastmasters Superbowl but I am involved in coaching our clubs participant.  I’m also participating in the table topics contest again (I have a bitter taste in my mouth from finishing second last year).

I love the platform.  I love the process of crafting and molding a speech.  I love the interaction.  I love it all.  I have done more speaking these last few months than ever before.  I’m learning the business side of it .  It is coming it just isn’t coming as fast as I want.

Spirit

If you aren’t whole spiritually you need to stop reading now and get to work on it.  I have been all over the map with my relationship with God.  I have been mad, frustrated, questioning, and lonely.  It is a daily battle with someone who loves me unconditionally.  I have spent many nights questioning why I am where I am.  I realize that the place I am in my life is due to the decisions I have made, but I see that everything ties back to my spirit.  The decisions I make, the people in my circle, the work I do, and the direction of my life comes back to me and God.  The fact is that I have always known this, but sometimes I need to get a kick in the butt to refocus.

Physical

I’m fat.  Actually if I review my BMI, I think I am obese.  That is so not awesome.  Now I know that I am not the only one and I know that I will probably fight this battle forever.  Here is the problem, being fat is easy.  It’s easy to eat bad, lay around, and consume calories by the pile.  Now luckily I feel good.  Coaching Seaver’s sports teams challenges me constantly to try to keep up with 6 and 7 year olds.  I run but I’m not training for anything so it’s very hit and miss.  For me the killer is food. I’m picky and lazy with my food.  Maybe I’ll have a great speech for next years contest about how I became Mr. Olympia, but I seriously doubt it.

Professional

I want to speak.  I like working on web development.  I like writing resumes.  I have liked doing mortgages, managing people, and sales.  I LOVE speaking.  It is the thing that I do best and it is where I will make my future.  This is a simple one.

Hop back on board gang!  I got a lot of stuff in my head that is getting ready to come out.

Ciao

SK

2010
02/03
CATEGORY
General
Life
TAGS

2 comments

“A perfect opportunity”


MonaVie

Quixtar

Ingnite

The national company

Q:  What do these things all have in common?

A:  Someone has offered me all these “opportunities” in the last calendar year.

For those of you that know me you know that I like to talk.  And with that talking comes a lot of friends.  I know a lot of people from all over the place and I love meeting new ones.  People are FASCINATING!  One of the byproducts of my natural “chatty-cathy doll” syndrome is I am often a target for network marketers (and life insurance companies too).  I have the one resource that network marketers covet and that is friends and I would really like to keep these people as my friends and not make every contact a “sales call”.  But the latest offer got me to thinking about my opportunity and my resources.

Being that I am still searching for full-time work, getting a lot of “no-fee” speaking engagements, and generally not contributing much to the gross national product, I lose sight sometimes of the opportunities that I have.  Lemons and lemonade get old after a while, but it is always a combination that works.

Because of the time that I had after loosing my job I was able to really focus on the speech contest-Lemonade

Because I am flexible with my time I get to get my son off the bus from school-Lemonade

Because I have developed an ability on the platform I am getting invited to do more speaking-Lemonade

These are all opportunities that have presented themselves BECAUSE I don’t have a “normal” job.  Opportunities exist everywhere, everyday.  And a lot of those opportunities are there because of something that does not appear to be positive.  We all have opportunities around us that are not being realized and utilized.

The earth is overflowing with natural resources and so are you.  In my world I have faith, a supportive and loving family, my natural gift of gab, and 1100 Facebook friends. Just like mother nature provides the fuels and food to keep this amazing planet spinning, my resources keep my tank on full and keep me moving forward.  My grandmother used to always tell me to count my blessings and in the world, in this economy we should all take a minute to do so more often than we do.

I am sure that in the next three or four months, someone will offer me another “perfect opportunity”.  I always let the marketer finish their phone call before I politely let them know that I am not interested.  But in the time between here and there I need to take a close look at the “perfect opportunity” that already exists in my own back yard.  I am blessed beyond words, I just have to follow granny’s advise more often to realize it.

Ciao

SK

2009
09/22
CATEGORY
Coaching
Life
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1 comment

It’s the journey right?


I want

I need

I deserve

I earned

I won

All solutions and answers based on the efforts that you have put in.  These are the rewards for studying for a test, preparing for a race, or working on an assignment.  As Americans, though, we really want the prize.

When our neighbor gets a new TV, we are happy but secretly jealous.

When your rival wins the game, you respect it but secretly feel like you gave it away

We want the reward and sometimes we forget about the work that it took to even be considered for the reward.

In the last week I have given three speeches.  I have never given that many different speeches ever.  From everything I have read and everything I have heard, this is how it all starts.  But I want the reward; and I wouldn’t mind having it now.  I want someone to “hire” me rather than “invite” me to do a speech.  But then I stop and think about the speeches and see why I have to walk through the valley in order to reach the summit.

Speech 1

I was asked to speak in honor of my high school band director.  He was more than a teacher to me and was really a father figure and a huge influence on my life.  I was honored to be invited and even more honored to be asked to speak.  I had never been asked to do something like this and it was hard.  Talking about someone you really care about challenges your abilities as a speaker to maintain control but still show the emotions you feel.  The first few drafts of the speech were soaked in tears, I just couldn’t deliver it.  I asked some advice from another speaker and he helped me tremendously.  In the end, the speech went off well.  I was a little too loud on my top end volume but it was funny, people enjoyed it, and it honored my friend.

Speech 2

This was a toastmasters club speech.  This is also the first speech I have given in 2009 that wasn’t in preparation for a contest.  I had to dig deep to even find a manual I could work from.  Because I had spent time working on speech 1, I was late in preparing for speech 2.  I found myself stuck between speeches that were too difficult to prepare for and projects I really didn’t want to do (I thought about just delivering speech 1, but I wanted a challenge).  I eventually ended up working from the entertaining speaker manual and doing project 3 “Make them laugh”.  Most of my speeches have elements of humor in them, but when being forced to be funny it is quite a challenge.  I ended up crafting a speech about the church I grew up in and some of the silly things that I saw as a child.  It required me to be very vivid in my descriptions without running through all the details too fast.  It also required me to take some risks of being a little edgy without offending anyone.  The end result was funny.  It really felt good to achieve my task and at the end of the speech I made sure to leave them with something to chew on other than just jokes.

Speech 3

I have been asked to participate in a speakers group to promote the school district that my son is in and the district that I grew up in.  Yet again another great honor.  We will get to be out in the community and give highlights of our childhood and let people know about the good things that are going on in the community.  For this week, the districts PR director wanted to see what we were going to say.  I really didn’t prepare much for this at all.  I had made some notes and thought about some stories I wanted to share, but I had gone through it only a couple of times a few weeks prior.  My fellow speakers were very prepared and had typewritten and well organized presentations.  I had a story about my son saying the “F” word and playing off that one incident.  One thing I have found over the last three years is that all my speeches have a lot of emotion.  This was no different.  In an audience of three I could see the tears developing and the smiles immediately after.  I again walked the edge with some of my content, but I’m learning that is my style.  I have to challenge your thinking and maybe even make you worry about where I’m going before I give you the reward.  It was also good to be able to speak to people that had never heard me speak and still be able to connect with them.

So of course I hope that I have an email in my inbox right now asking me to come speak at someone’s conference and asking what my fee is.  But I didn’t join toastmasters and I don’t like speaking just because one day I may make a living at it.  I like that process of putting together a speech.  I like practicing it in my living room in front of my dogs.  I like the fact that my son comes around the corner to see what I’m talking about.  I like looking into people’s eyes and knowing that they understand.  It is all those things and more.  At some point I’ll get paid (or at least I hope so) but that won’t add or subtract from the joy that I feel in doing the one thing that I do best.

Journey-1

vs

Destination-0

SK

2009
09/18
CATEGORY
Coaching
Life
Speechwriting
TAGS


1 comment

So now what?


One of the best things about having a blog is that it is an permanent reminder of you.  I haven’t had the burn inside to write anything lately, so I have laid low and its been good for me.  But tomorrow my son goes back to school and I am back to being a productive citizen (I hope).

The summer was a blast.  I got the wild ride of being in the speech contest.  We took our summer trip to Wisconsin.  Seaver and I were able to really bond and spend an amazing time together just being father and son.  And I have crafted an idea.

As many of you know, I love to talk.  And as some of you know, I love University of Georgia athletics.  In a previous post, I talked about finding passion and doing something about it.  A lot of big talk but not enough action.  But action is an interesting thing.  Occasionally it starts moving without you knowing it.  It starts putting people and situations in your life to prepare you to do something.  Action is sometimes not your own action, but the actions of others on your behalf and their interest in your life.  So what does talking, UGA, and action have to do with each other?

College athletics is over a $5 billion industry.  The University of Georgia alone has a 70+ billion dollar budget.  When colleges are on national television they see an immediate increase in applications and inquiries from prospective students.  Yet over and over when the number one advertising vehicle for these schools get in front of microphones you get this

How many times have you seen an interview with a college athlete and wondered”how in the world did he or she get into school?  Or how many times have you caught the English language being destroyed by a young man following a victory?  I don’t expect the players and coaches to have MLK’s eloquence, but a higher level of communcation skills is needed.

So the what in the now what is still being crafted.  The end product will look like student-athletes being more competent and confident when being interviewed, coaches and administrators being better prepared and more polished, and fans of these schools proud that not only does our team play well, but they represent my school well.

We will see what happens next, but the funny thing is that I wasn’t even taking action and action was already taking place.

SK

2009
08/05
CATEGORY
General
Life
1 comment

Winner, winner, chicken dinner


Only one team gets the glory involved with winning a championship.  Everyone else leaves with a little disappointment.  Saturday I got to taste defeat.  And I am OK with it.

The contest was fun.  I got to meet so many amazing people that love toastmasters as much as I do.  The conference portion of the weekend was great.  I heard great speakers and went to some great workshops.  But the reason I went was to compete.  I had made peace with myself on the ride up and decided that success would not be measured by a trophy but instead by “how it felt”.

1.  The speech was good.

One of the most useful skills I have acquired in this process is the ability to take input and feedback, sift through it all, and apply my own style and substance to it.  This last two weeks I have had evaluations from some very experienced toastmasters, speakers, and writers.  I obviously couldn’t do everything they suggested but I found things that I felt made the speech better and put them to work.  At the end of the day, I loved the finished product.  It was 100% me.

2.  The competition was great.

There were so many great speeches on Saturday.  I knew coming into the event that the talent level would be high.  My fellow speakers did not disappoint.  I was falling down laughing as well as feeling emotions in my heart as they crafted stories about job loss, achieving your dreams, and impacting peoples lives.  It was artistic and funny and dramatic.

3.  The audience liked it.

At the end of the day, the speech was not for the judges it was for the crowd.  I could see in the faces of the people as they laughed and nodded that they “got it”.  I know that I didn’t do some “winning” tactics and techniques but that was OK because I stopped trying to win a week earlier and focused on telling a great story and making it connect with an audience.

4.  It wasn’t my time.

I don’t know if I will ever do a contest again.  It was mentally exhausting working on this speech.  I learned so much during this time and my future has been changed because of it.  But it just wasn’t my time to take that next step.  This clears the next 7 weeks of my life to DO my life and to take what I have learned and apply it in other areas.

5.  I did pretty good.

Even in loosing this contest, I’m in the top 1% of 1% of 1% in a club for people who speak.  I know that if I could have gone 8th instead of 1st or if Seaver’s voice recording would have played it could have changed the outcome, but the right person won and I would still be walking away with my head held high.

So contest season is over, now what?   I have my coaching hat on again for football.  I have some opportunities that are starting to present themselves to me.  I have a level of confidence that I did not have last January.  I have my faith, family, health, and friends.

End chapter one

Chapter two:  The best is yet to come!

SK

2009
06/29
CATEGORY
Contest journal
Speechwriting
TAGS



2 comments

What do you love?


Let’s assume the obvious.   We all love:

Family

Friends

Puppies

Vacation

Babies

and

Big Macs

Now that we have pulled back the obvious list, what’s left?

What really gets inside your heart and moves you to action?

What makes you smile?

For me, one of the things I really love is being a youth coach.  And when my son started playing sports I had no desire to coach.  I wanted to be involved.  I wanted to be at every practice but I never wanted to be the guy.  It started with helping with baseball.

I grew up playing baseball and Seaver seemed to have some natural ability in the sport and t-ball is like cat herding, you need a lot of hands to keep them under control.  Somewhere in the middle of that season, I fell in love with those kids.  I loved watching them get better, I loved being there when they did something new,  and I just loved being a big kid with them.  It was awesome.

As fun as baseball was, is, and will continue to be; for me it pails in comparison to football.

Last summer Seaver mentioned that he wanted to play football and I was concerned.  I thought he was too little and too young.  We knew he had an opportunity to play football with some of his friends and decided to give it a shot.  The first few weeks was very difficult.  But about a week before the first game, it started to get fun.  And the more fun it got for him, the more involved I became.  I never really was a formal “coach” last season, but I was at almost every practice, was on the sidelines, and got to know all those kids and watch them grow and get better.

This year I was much more involved with baseball and I have the pleasure of being the head coach for our football team this year.  And it is far from an easy task.  One parent sent me an email recently thanking me for my involvement and dedication to the kids.  As I was reading it all I could think about was, “What else would I be doing?”.  Most of my great male role models growing up were my coaches.  I am lucky that all my kids have fathers involved in their lives but I learned first hand last year how influential a coach can be on a  young child and I take that responsibility seriously.

As much as I want to win, that is not what is important.  I get the privilege of teaching these young men a great game and watching them grow up before my eyes.  They learn respect, teamwork, discipline, and how to deal with adversity.  Football teaches so many life lessons for both them and me.

Find something you love.  Coaching, needlepoint, serving the homeless, landscaping, or surfing.

Find something that lights your fire and that you can’t wait for the next time you can do it

Find something that you can tell your friends and family about and it lights you up every time you talk about it.

Find something you love and pour your heart into it.

And don’t forget when you find that something, you also need to pour that same kind of love into the list of things that we all love.

Ciao

SK

2009
06/22
CATEGORY
Coach King
Coaching
Life
TAGS


2 comments

Moving on


I am now in all out speech preparation.  I have a speech, I have places to give the speech, and I have my eyes and ears 0pen for ways to make the speech better.  This is the fun part of the process.

After I won the last contest, I decompressed for a week and then I laid out a schedule to get ready for the next speech.

First two weeks:  Brainstorm speech ideas

Second two weeks: Settle on an idea and start putting it together

Third two weeks:  Give it, give it, give and learn

Final week: Tweak but don’t over analyze

Day before contest:  View the room/audience and make mental notes

Contest day:  Enjoy it, because it may be the only time I get to do it

That’s the road map I cooked up in my head after my last victory.  What I really didn’t calculate into the process was how difficult it would be to write another really good speech.   I knew I would have to create another speech if I won, but I figured I would just be able to tighten up an old one and make it work.  I was totally wrong.

There is no how-to book or manual on competing in a toastmasters contest.  There are a lot of opinions on blogs and websites from past participants but really no blow by blow account of how someone did it.  So I had to take bits and pieces from many different sources.  One of the most amazing things I have learned in the process is how gracious TM members are.  I have reached out to former world champions, busy professional speakers, and high ranking club officers and almost always gotten some sort of response.  These are super busy people that don’t know me from a hole in the wall, but take time out of their day to give me advice, criticism, and hope.

I have said several times that “I don’t know enough to know what I don’t know” in this process.  I have seen so many contest speeches and early on in the process I caught myself trying to copy ones that I thought were great.   And I could probably have put together a pretty good speech that was “somebody elses”, but its just not me.  At the end of the day I want to go into the contest with a speech that I am in love with.  That was the key to the first one, I loved it; it took on a life of itself; and rather than giving a speech the speech was a part of me.

The new speech is titled “Move On”.  It grew out of another speech which was me trying to make a winner rather than me trying to tell a story.  That’s what I am good at.  I tell stories with sweeping changes in emotion, volume, and position.  I move people, I don’t motivate.  My appeal is more to the heart than it is to the brain.  And that’s what I am going with.  In my mind its a winner and that’s really all that I care about.  If the judges like it, great but I am not going to put this together with the only way to measure success is with a victory.  I won the first time I delivered it at my club and new that I had found something that reflected me.  I won when I see how it lands on peoples hearts and makes them think.  The trophy would be great but the story is my reward in this process.

SK

P.S.  I really do want to win though ;)

2009
06/11
CATEGORY
Contest journal
General
Life
Speechwriting
TAGS





2 comments

What are you going to do with your life?


If there is a harder question to answer, I don’t know what it is.  I have friends that have always known they wanted to be doctors, lawyers, and movie makers; and I often envy them.  How much easier is it to find your way, when you have a clear destination in mind?  It must feel great to only have to go to college, do well, get into medical school, do well, do a million hours of residency, and then be a doctor.  And it has to be somewhat settling when you discover that’s your path when you are 13 or 14 years old.  

But what about the rest of us?

What happens when you take a job and then another job and another?  

And then you look around and you are 30 or 40 or 50 and still just doing a job.  

And there is honor in all work.  It is so impressive the types of things that people do to support their families.  But at 50 should you really be trying to figure out what you want to be when you are grown up?

This is the part where I am supposed to tell some great story about how I was lost and now have this amazing career and everything is perfect professionally.  And maybe one day I will, but that’s just not the case.  

I am you.  

I am the hard working customer service agent that wants to be a writer.

I am the law enforcement officer that really would love to own a restaurant.

I am the sales person that really doesn’t know what she wants to do, but is sure that selling cellphones or copiers is not it.

I am the person that stayed at their job for 25 years and then they closed the doors and I have to start over. 

I am every one of those wild dreams you had when you were 12 but never thought they could come true.  

It is a lot easier to have dreams than to chase them.  And my point is not that everyone pick up today, forget your responsibilities, and become a trail guide; but I do think its important to take a look inside and see if you can answer the question.  And to test yourself even further, look back in your life and see if you are where you were supposed to be.  

We are all DOING something with our lives.  And most people are trying to do well.  We work hard, spend time with family, search for inner peace, and generally try to be good people.  A lot of these actions are passive.  You just do them because you always have.  They are very important to you and your existence but they are not DO’s.  

Do is an action word.  

Life is about action.

So what are you doing?  Who are you doing it with?  What would you like to be doing?  Where are you doing it?  Does doing it make you proud and happy?  Do you want to be doing something else?  

There are so many amazing people in this world with talent that is only limited by their own minds.  Before you limit yourself to doing the job that you have always done, isn’t it worth looking at what you could DO if you simply decided to try and DO it.  

 

SK

2009
06/01
CATEGORY
Coaching
Life
TAGS
6 comments

It’s a big deal


I am loving this ride I’m on in this contest.  Regardless of the outcome it has been a life changer and even if I do compete again, it may never  be able to top this experience.  I have been able to have contact with people I have admired from afar, received compliments from people I don’t know, and have grown in so many unexpected ways.  

This contest is a big deal.  And making it this far is a really big deal.  To put it in perspective:

106 countries

Over 12,000 clubs

Nearly 250,000 members

Every club is required to participate in the International speech contest.  So starting with 250,000 there are now only going to be 80 people left in the entire world competing at this level.  I have a one in seven chance of making it to the finals.  

But really what does this mean for me, my family, and the people around me?  My big personal take away is that I am more talented than I thought I was on the platform.  My big family take away is that I am so lucky to have the amazing situation that I have with a wonderful and supportive spouse and an inspirational son.  My big people take away is that there are so many people around me that not only care about me but investing in me, and that is humbling.  

This process is a big deal.  But just like most things in life it all the other things that happen because of it that make it wonderful.  

 

SK

2009
05/28
CATEGORY
Contest journal
Life
TAGS

1 comment