So what do you see when you look in your mirror?
Looking in the mirror is such a passive exercise. We all do it several times a day when we brush our teeth, shave, put contacts in, wash our hands, or double-check our outfit. We look in mirrors as we pass them in stores and some of us have them in our purses and cars to make sure there isn’t any unsightly spinach dangling from your incisors.
We are also a society that loves mirrors. Well actually we just like watching, which kind of makes us all mirrors for each other. People have plastic surgery to look better in the mirror. We get new haircuts and stylish glasses to be better mirror-folk. A lot of us get our self-image based on what that mirror says about us in contrast to what it says about your next door neighbor or your sibling.
The mirror doesn’t lie!
You may be able to put makeup on over a pimple, but that black head is still there and its staring at you in the mirror. We live in a world of image management. That face you have when you wake up in the morning is you, not the one that appears after a shower, shave, and cologne. That mirror also doesn’t lie about what’s going on behind the makeup either.
Coming from a place where I have messed up more than my fair share of stuff is hard. It is hard a lot of times to look myself in the mirror and be proud of what I see knowing all that I know. Someone told me once that the hardest person to earn forgiveness from is yourself. I think that’s 100% true because in my case I try so hard to put makeup on my blemishes so I don’t have to “see” them. As they say I live on a river called denial.
So the only real alternative is to strip some of the makeup away and try to deal with the crooked teeth. The last few months I have really been working on having an honest evaluation of me. Now if you have never tried to do it, I found it harder than expected. It was hard to look at all my mistakes which made it even harder to acknowledge my successes. Taking personal responsibility for where you are is pretty easy when you aren’t really being realistic about where that is.
So here is a brief public inventory
- I’m 36 and divorced (and I firmly believe the divorce was my fault)
- I have roommates and have packed my life into a 12 x 15 room
- I’m waaaaay too heavy, despite my clothes still fitting (I’m going to have health issues if I don’t do something)
- I’m scared to death to really chase my dream because I have failed at so many other things
- I’m lonely
- I’m mad and bitter
Ok so now that everyone is either a) crying or b) telling me its going to be ok or c) wondering why I’m having a pity party, let me go to the rest.
As we know the mirror doesn’t lie and it will show and tell you when things get better. You may not notice you are in better health and then one day your face will look 10 yrs younger. It takes time and that’s always been the hard part for me. I want it instantly and because of that I have always had a hard time seeing things through to completion. But one thing I am is determined and I refuse to give up with those bullet points being on my headstone. So onward ho!
Oh yeah, here’s a present: