Category Archives: Relationships

I suck, I lost

Ok not really; especially on the post directly after talking about the power of words to build us up.

The results came in and the winner was not me…or the guy I thought should have won…or any of the other speeches/speakers that I really liked.  But I also was not the judge nor was I offering a scholarship so needless to say it wasn’t my call.

It is very hard to get better with victory.  Sports illustrates this so well in that there are so few professional teams that repeat and win championships in consecutive years.  It is through loss and defeat that teams get better, grow, and ultimately learn how to win.  It is a process that has been repeated in sports, business, love, and politics.  So I’ll take my setback and build from it, but what did I learn?

I’m still pretty good

i am far, far from being good-good, but I’ve still got some talent when the lights are turned on.  I’m seriously not polished and that’s ok, because I haven’t been working on it in years, but with limited time I put something together that resonated with people.  Ultimately speakers have to do just that, we will always be hyper critical of each other and ourselves, but when your 9th grade history teacher hears it and likes it, you know you’ve done something right.

I can reach people

Three minutes is an impossibly short amount of time to craft a message.  Eight days to create said message is also incredibly short.  I wish I could publish some of the things that were sent to me privately about the speech.  You can see the response on my Facebook wall.  It is a very small sample size and most of the people who viewed it know me and care about me, but they were not required to give input.  The best part is the people who don’t already love me, that found a way to reach out to me and say a kind word.

I’ve got to be my number one fan

I have a ton of people who love me and support me.  It is impossible to succeed at anything without support.  But I’m not going to be able to convince people who don’t love me to love me until I love me…the most.  I’ve never lacked in confidence, but conviction and belief are a different part of the equation.  The fan line has to begin directly behind me.

Keep writing

I’ve got to keep at it, it is an art.  Writing blog posts, writing short speeches, and writing bigger things.  I’ve got to use the inspiration in my mind and put it out there.  As a 1b to this, I’ve got to produce stuff and put it on social media.  People that don’t love me aren’t going to find me if I just sit in my living room talking to myself.

Find a mentor

This is old business logic.  Find someone who is further along than you and learn from them.  If I actually want to do something with this little bit of skill I have, I’m going to have to have someone directly help me.  There are no shortcuts to the top.

I’ve got a ton of ideas.  Some are motivational, some are about fitness and weight loss, some are directional, and some are just fun.  I really don’t know what to do next…but I’ll do something; I promise.

Ciao

SK

Ps…Here’s the winner

3.0 FAQ’s

Tomorrow I will embark on my third 10-day juice fast.  The first one was on a dare and the second one I experimented.  I am totally excited beyond belief for this one.  So on the eve of this fast I figured I’d answer the most asked questions from the first two.  These are simply my opinions and observations from my experiences, your mileage may vary.

Don’t you get hungry?

This was my biggest fear going into the first one.  I was probably knocking back 3000 calories a day with regularity and now I was going to go down to only about 1000 calories and none of them are food.  The first fast we did 8 sixteen ounce juices a day for the first three days.  We wanted to make sure that we had enough coming in so we were “full”.  128 ounces of fruit and vegetable juices combined with at least 128 ounces of water on top of it, kept me more than full.  The hungry side of it was really all in my head and after the second day I never experienced feeling hungry.  The second fast I only had 4 to 6 twelve ounce juices per day.  The residual effects from the first fast was my tummy contracting and my brain getting on board with my body.

What are the withdrawals?

I watched a lot of information and read a lot of information prior to fast 1.0.  The consensus is that the first three days are HORRIBLE.  Mine really weren’t that bad, but I also had weened myself off of caffeine and most sugar and bread prior to starting the fast.  The friends that I’ve had do it with me have had some headaches and lack of energy but mostly it has been mild.  I would seriously recommend easing into a fast by backing off of the bad stuff in your diet.  When I took myself off of caffeine my headaches were horrible and I didn’t sleep well at all for a week before the fog cleared.

Isn’t it expensive?

We budgeted $10/day/person on the first fast and we had three adults participating.  After the fast, when I started making my own juices, I was WAY OVER that amount when doing my first few supplemental juices.  I also had no idea how to buy produce, how long things lasted, and what things I liked together.  The second fast there were two adults participating and we spent about $8/day/person as well.  I anticipate this fast being even more frugal because we have continued juicing and have frozen supplies and fruits in bulk currently.  If you go to your local juice bar, a ten day fast will cost you hundreds of dollars.  If you buy all organic it will quickly increase your investment.  I’m actually tracking my recipes and will be making “how I do it” available for everyone following fast 3.0.

Don’t you stay in the bathroom?

Without going into the land of TMI, some folks do and some folks don’t.  Juicing 1.0 nothing changed aside from having to pee all the time.  Juicing 2.0 I had to take a laxative about halfway through to get things moving.  I’ve know and heard of some people that make large TP investments during a fast and some folks that have to constantly get things moving.  Your body is very efficient and you should listen to it and take care of it.  If you need to go, go…if you haven’t been going; get it moving.

Do you really just have juice?

Yes that is all the food I consume.  I do chew gum to satiate the need to chew something.  If you have to eat something, it should be raw and unprocessed.  Basically you could snack on the same stuff you’re putting in the juicer if you just have to eat something.  It is only ten days though, if I can do it…anyone can.

Why can’t you just eat the fruits and veggies?

When was the last time you ate half a pineapple, two apples, and a handful of grapes in one sitting…Go ahead, I’ll wait

Yeah, never.

Even if you love fruits and veggies, you can’t consume them in the volume and ease as you can when they are in a juiced form.  I don’t like fruits and veggies, so this is the ultimate in good-for-you fast food.

Do you lose a lot of weight?

The first fast I lost like 13 pounds and the second one I lost about 8.  For 2.0 I purposely didn’t exercise as much, I think that contributed to the slower loss.

I’m so happy that I tried the first fast.  Not only did I lose a lot of weight and really kickstart my working out and health journey that I’m on, but it changed my perspective and relationship with food.  The inbox is open, if you want to know anything else hit me with a comment or email me: stevieking@gmail.com.

Ciao

SK

Fruit Cake?

Oh the weather outside is frightful…and so is fruit cake!

Traditional-Fruit-Cake

I was at a Christmas party with friends over the weekend and discovered that someone who I have known for years actually likes fruit cake.  Considering I didn’t realize that anyone actually consumed the gelatinous creations, I was even more shocked that someone I consider a friend considers them a delicacy.

It is amazing what you can find out about people if you just ask questions and listen.  In the same way that a fruit cake has all kinda “stuff” that is surrounded with different types of “goo” and shaped with some type of special “filling”, most of the people in your life are similarly fruit cake-ish.  Considering I don’t know how you actually consume an actual fruit cake (I believe that it is sliced, but possibly it is pulled like pork, I’m not sure), I can’t make this metaphor preserve nearly as well as the magic of a jelly loaf.  In whatever way you gain access to your seasonal party in your mouth I would assume that it makes a sound when you cut into it.  I’ve asked people questions over the years that I clearly remember hearing a sound in the pregnant pause while they were attempting to create an answer.

Are you still seeing her?

What happened that night after the concert?

Did you mean for your hair to end up that way?

If a horse is a horse of course of course, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

Silence can be some of the loudest moments of your life.

FC appears to be a fairly busy taste concoction.  I’m betting that no two bites are the same (either because of the layers of fruit or the fact that the actual loaf has changed its physical properties several times since its actual preparation).  There’s a lot of challenge when you are really asking questions but one of the biggest is that each successive question can give you not only a different answer but a completely different set of questions.  If you didn’t know that someone had a certain experience until you asked, you definitely don’t know where the conversation is heading next. Listening is a skill but we don’t give asking questions any credit for being an equally important skill.

Ultimately I think the most magical thing about squishy fruit bread is the fact that not only is it a holiday spectacular but it stays, in its current state, FOREVER.  One of my bits of advice I’ve given to my female friends over the years when they were interested in boys is for them to pay attention to the amount of questions he asks about you.  When someone is genuinely interested in you, they want to know you and ask lots of questions about you and your life.  Answers don’t go away, they stay with you forever.  You may not be able to recall them all, but they are there…in the same state they were given to you.  That knowledge of the people in your life is what creates depth in relationships.  I think we all crave deep, meaningful relationships (at least we crave them more than fruit cake).

After we were done teasing our friend about fruit cakes we continued with our festivities.  There were several other moments in the evening where I learned new things about my friend’s lives.  Luckily I was not required to actually learn what fruit cake does to one’s pallet after white wine.  In the interest of full disclosure, I did sample fruit cake once in my twenties…it has now replaced a filling I lost in a tooth since it is still with me all these years later.

Ciao

SK

41 Things…

My birthday is this week and I will be 41 years old.  So in honor of a birthday that gets little to no run in the list of important ones (no one really has a blow out 41st bday bash), I thought I’d share 41 things I’ve learned over my 41 years.

  1. Everyone wants to be loved, but very few of us are really good at loving someone…it really takes work to do it well
  2. Parenting is the hardest, most frustrating, and challenging thing I’ve ever done; but it also is the one thing that the reward is guaranteed to be greater than that challenge, frustration, and difficulty
  3. Eyeball the people you love the most and you’ll see not only who you love but who you’ve become
  4. All great relationships grow in conflict not in peace.  This is not to say fight all the time to get better, but it is when you have disagreement and compromise that you truly grow closer
  5. The highs are never as high as the lows are low (especially if you’re a sports fan lol)
  6. Start saving money and being healthy today…they both get harder the older you get
  7. Smoking sucks, don’t shorten you life with nicotine
  8. We all have way too much stuff…throw some out before you put away your Christmas presents
  9. Naps are underrated
  10. When you die…people will miss you…A LOT
  11. If you know who you are and what you want in life and can accept people for who they are and what they want…you win
  12. You need people in your life that love you enough to meet you where you are but love you so much they don’t leave you there
  13. Read stuff…a lot of stuff…it’ll make you a better person
  14. Peek a boo is always funny…you grow up and it becomes hide and seek and then you get old and it becomes surprise parties and then you become a grandparent and it is peek a boo…but it is still funny
  15. Most referees and officials aren’t very good at all levels.  You just have to play against and through their incompetence
  16. You need to learn to drive a stick shift…invaluable life tool
  17. The two most important things I learned in school were typing and word problems…life is all about the keyboard and problem solving
  18. Try different stuff, you never know when something will change your life
  19. The greatest commandment is to Love…if God says it is the most important we should listen, he did make the moon and the stars
  20. You have two choices in life…you can either make the movie or be part of it
  21. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor and I prefer happy
  22. Not everyone is kissing compatible
  23. You never know when it’ll be the last time, so make sure to enjoy the ride
  24. Handwritten letters and cards to people…they’ll love it
  25. Caffeine is the devil (so is commercial TV for that matter)
  26. Blue ink is better than black
  27. God wants you to be the real you with him.  He knows what you did last night, stop trying to leave it out of your prayers
  28. Moms are amazing
  29. If you just show up to work every day and put in a good effort, you’re way-way ahead of the game
  30. Bucket lists are cool but I would say, just do stuff when the opportunity arises
  31. If you celebrate your bday for a week it makes it better
  32. Benadryl is the most powerful drug in the universe
  33. Your hair will grow back or you can always cut your hair.  Change up your look from time to time.
  34. Pedicures are amazing
  35. Every once in a while move the furniture and take a different route to work, I love routine but there are other ways to look at the world.
  36. Keep all your skinny clothes and throw away your fat clothes, don’t give yourself a backup plan for your waistline
  37. Alex Rodriguez is seriously the worst dude ever
  38. You can break your worst, most destructive habit
  39. Apologies are for the offender, not the offended.  Forgiveness what you need but not what you want when you have been done wrong
  40. Haters hate, that’s what they do…Wasting your time worrying about them just makes them stronger
  41. A year from now you’ll be a year older…you have control on whether that model is an upgrade or not

Ciao

SK

That’s what friends are for

The fast is over and tomorrow I will reveal the results.  I’m seriously excited to see what the final tally will be and where I will go from there.  For today, let’s talk about your support system.

Accountability, authentic, and transparency are super-cool buzzwords that people like to throw around these days.  Ultimately it is about people being personally accountable for their actions and outcomes and not putting on a face for the world.

I AM HORRIBLE AT THIS

I really don’t think I know very many people who are good at this.  We all put on a show and let people in only on a surface level.  I don’t necessarily think that you need to tell everyone you see all of your business, but you do need people in your life that hold you accountable and push you to do more.

“I want the kind of friends that love me enough to meet me where I am but love me so much not to leave me there”

I don’t know where I hear this, but it is not my quote.  I believe we want, crave, and need these kind of relationships in our lives.  What in the world does this have to do with juicing (I told you the other day that this stuff is just like relationships)?

I don’t think there is any way that I could have done this fast without the help and support of my coworkers that undertook it with me.  The reason I know this is because I have always quit on these kind of life change/health events within the first third of the adventure.  And I have tried short, long, exercise, diet, and activity changes that were much, much easier than fasting yet I didn’t have near the success.

We went through all the mess together.
We texted each other when we struggled.
We celebrated each and every day with each other.
We could understand each other’s misery.

There was something magical about coming in each day and knowing that everyone I was looking at all day was in the same boat as I am.

I guess I need to formally thank my coworkers for doing this nonsense.  I couldn’t have made it through the third day without knowing that I would be put on the spot the next day about the waffle I consumed.  If you are even a little, itty-bitty, teensy bit interested in maybe juicing then I would say find someone who is going to do this with you.  Preferably someone who you interact with daily.  I’m sure there is someone at your office or your house or in your neighborhood that could lose a couple of LB’s and would team up with you.

Challenge extended–movement to be continued

Now for the real reason that I wrote this post:

 

Ciao

 

SK

Looking Back-Part 2

It’s all in your head…

I really could sign off now on this post, because that’s the big idea.  So much of how I’ve programmed myself to consume food and drinks is totally in my head.

I’m supposed to have a biscuit at 7:30
I need to have a soda to get me going in the morning
I think its time for a snack mid morning
Since I ordered this entire plate of food I have to eat it
I haven’t eaten in four hours, I think I need pizza

I’ve read piles of information on the web about how many meals or how many calories we should and need to consume.  Some of the guys say six small meals and some people say two big meals with three snacks and some people say two meal replacements, one meal, and one trip around the block on a pogo stick.  The one common denominator I found with every one of these approaches is that they ALL had me consuming way fewer of everything than I was.  That’s not really taking into account me trying to lose weight, this was simply looking at how I should be eating.

I discovered on the first day of the fast how powerful my brain and my habits had been.  On the way to the office on day one, I found my stomach was growling and I was “hungry” at about 7:45.  That is also, coincidentally, about the same time I stopped every morning to grab a biscuit for breakfast (it is the most important meal of the day  right?).  Later in the day I was driving around listening to the Atlanta Braves game and the announcers were talking about ice cream and my mouth instantly started watering.  My sister text me later, not realizing I was fasting yet, and asked me if I was familiar with some new kind of chip that is out.  My tummy again started growling, and I didn’t even care for the combination of items on the chip.

Your body is designed to let you know when you need to eat.  Unfortunately humans have messed this up and flipped it around where we tell our body when it is time to eat.  I truly believe that over time I have programmed my stomach to growl and grimace when things are not typical.  This self-fulfilling prophecy then leads to eating whatever is within sight and is easy.  Add in aging, slower metabolism, and less activity and you end up Type 2 obese at 40.

As I’m typing this it is noon and I am just now having my first juice of the day.  I woke up at about 7:30.  That’s almost five hours.  And truthfully I wasn’t feeling hungry, but I know I need to get some vitamins and calories in my system so I don’t crash.  That’s after having my last juice at about 9 last night.

There continues to be things I’m learning about all of my life from the fast and my relationship with food.  Even if you don’t challenge yourself with a juice fast, I think it’s a good thing for all of us to challenge ourselves with something way outside our comfort zone and see what we learn about ourselves.

 

Ciao

 

SK

Looking back-Part 1

It is Saturday morning and rather than talking about day 4, which was basically just like day 3, I figured I’d look back on this process and journey and what I’ve learned about myself and food.

I’ve had a running joke the last few years that I only eat 12 things.  That really isn’t that far from the truth.  My family grew up lower middle class.  My parents were never married and I was raised primarily by my grandparents and my Aunt.  We had welfare food and from an early age I remember just not like very much because most of it tasted like sand.  I was a skinny kid and it was always a challenge when I was somewhere that wasn’t home, to find things to eat.  As a teenager I started to like and consume in mass quantities fast food and easy food, because it was easy and it actually tasted good to me.  I had a therapist once talk about how I learned the majority of my relationship skills as a child and they would be tough to “unlearn”.  I guess my bad relationship with food started there too.

Over the years my palate has improved but my eating habits really have not.  Lots of starch, lots of carbs, and lots of sugar…then you sprinkle in a pile of caffeine on top of it and you have a molotov cocktail of fat and sloppy at age 40.  I’ve always said I didn’t really like the gym and I don’t stick to running plans unless there is a race.  I think some of the problem might be that I was trying to fly a jet plan with 87 octane fuel.

EATING IS FUN

People love to sit around the table with friends and family and eat.  It is an event.  People buy houses because of the cool kitchen or the way you can entertain your friends and family.  People have date night at restaurants and have family events with cookouts and pot luck dinners.  People grab hot dogs and pizza at ballparks because it is a habit and its part of what makes it fun.  And it should be fun, but I think that some of the convenience and fun of eating has slanted my personal relationship with food.

I’m far from an anatomy and physiology scholar or a biologist, but I have learned a little over the past few weeks about how the body works.  The reality is that I have done a terrible job of taking care of myself.  It shows on the scale, it shows in my complexion, and it shows in my energy level.  Now I’m not saying that I’ve done it all wrong my whole life, because for the most part I’m a pretty happy dude.  Maybe, just maybe, I’ve been off in my food relationship as well.

I’ve got a pile of relationship theories that I have used to help advise friends over the years (and yes Doctors make the worse patients).  One of the things I’ve always believed is that, just like in sales, you must negotiate from a position of strength rather than a position of weakness.  Successful relationships are a win-win for both parties.  You give and you take but both parties have something to gain from the interaction.  The relationship I’ve had with food has not been from a position of strength.  I have eaten convenient, easy, processed meals that make me happy but really aren’t giving my body what it craves.  I truly think that because that is what I ate, it is what I’ve continued to eat.  I think that I’ve taught my body, over the years, that when I’m hungry to eat some junk.

I guess I didn’t realize I had this much to say.  So I guess I will break this thing up into parts so people can actually digest it.

 

Ciao

 

SK